Haverfordwest Cricket Club

                         Dale Road, Haverfordwest, Pembrokeshire, SA61 1XP

                                                Tel: 01437 763615

A former Cricket Club Captain and a current player, who shall have to remain nameless for legal reasons was staying in a hotel in Nottingham.

He had booked into his room when he heard a loud ‘buzzing’ noise. After a lengthy investigation he had narrowed his search down to the wall. The noise was so intense that he realised that he would not be able to get any sleep if it continued so he called the hotel manager to help.

Andrew explained the problem to the manager and together they continued the investigation by tapping the wall. The manager then stated that it was probably an alarm clock in the room next door. Off he set to check but returned shortly to explain there was no clock or buzzing in the room.

The manager agreed that there was no other option but for Andrew to change rooms, however this would take a short time as the room had to be made up.

Eventually Andrew got his new room and ‘moved in’ but to his annoyance he could still hear the buzzing, but not as loud as it was, ‘was the manager deaf?’ Andrew asked himself.

Andrew continued his search for the noise but could not find where it was coming from.

He resigned himself to the fact that because the noise was not so loud he could get some sleep and as he was only staying the one night there was no real hardship.

Andrew picked up his bag and started to unpack only to find an electric toothbrush that had accidentally been switched on and by now had a near flat battery!!!!!

Andrew paid his bill the following morning, thanked the manager for his help and left, leaving the manager to investigate the mysterious noise coming from the room.

Sorry I was absent

Click on the title above to take you to a page of excuses as to why youngsters were absent from net practice. (Curtesy of ACU&S 'How's That' issue No. 289).

Scrivs gets his bearings wrong. (12/09/03).

In a recent Home game against Hook which they needed to win to stay up, they deceided to bat tail-ender Brendon Lay at No.5, to come in and score some quick runs. As he entered the field Rheady, Kirks and Scrivs were chatting about the situation that Hook were in and why Brendon was batting so high. Quick thinking Scrivs had worked out why and stated "this man can hit, last year he hit a six into the tennis courts", at which point Rheady and Kirks started laughing as the nearest tennis courts are one and a half miles away in Tasker Milward School.

A matter of fact (or fiction).

To clear up some misunderstanding that is circulating in Pembrokeshire cricket I feel it is only fair that I put the record straight about the game between Lamphey and Haverfordwest II played on Saturday 28th June 2003.

Set 182 to win the top order Haverfordwest batsmen crumbled to leave the town at 60-6. However some superb batting by Steve James, Mike Hooper and Richard Davies meant that with one over remaining the town required 2 runs to win with 2 wickets in hand.

At this stage Lamphey decided to play their joker ace card, by using last over specialist Ian Kerrison. He clean bowled Richard Davies 1st ball which resulted in me striding to the crease.

Now I could have stroked the first ball to the boundary for 4, though to build up the tension I played it straight back to Kerro who made an impressive stop. I decided to leave the next ball although I had initially contemplated launching Kerro into the tennis courts.

At this point I decided it would be nice if my good mate Steve James could hit the winning runs being that he had brought us back into the game and as a result I took a single off the 4th ball, thus tieing the game.

Steve hit the 5th ball of the over to point and I decided to run. Unfortunately Steve decided to stay in his crease and although I ran to his crease and back no runs were accrued. Thus 1 was required off the last ball. Kerro resisted the temptation to bowl a wide, Stevie missed, the ball which went straight to wickie Mark Yea, I ran, and after a lot of deliberation the 3rd umpire gave me run out.

Thus ended one of the best ties ever in Pembrokeshire cricket, with all 22 players and the two umpires leaving the ground satisfied.

Cider, Bitter, Guinness, Baileys and Red wine were drunk to celebrate the result, and that was just by me!

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding being reported by the local media.

Micky

PS - I'm sure Kerro, Stevey James, and the rest of the two teams will have a different version of events which may or may not be more accurate.

Geography's his strong point.

During a recent quiz a question was asked "which football team are know as the Black Arabs". A clue was given that "they are from the home town of Mark Conybeare which is Bristol", to which Kirks jumped up full of pride and answered "Aston Villa"

Water carrier.

It was noticed at the recent Harrison Allen final that Adrian Griffiths was 'invading' the field of play at every possible opportunity, under the pretence of giving the team water.

The Umpires being on top form noticed that nobody was actually drinking and Griff was ordered off the field.

A by-stander stated that Griff had actually spent more time on the field as 'water carrier' than he would have if he had played.

Too quick to think.

At the same Harrison Allen final Clive Tucker was run-out. When he approached his team mates he attempted to justify his call by stating "I had to run because I didn't know where the ball was".

A family matter.

While discussing a local sportsman's family Kirks stated that the person was "his sister's, sister's, son".

It was immediately pointed out to Kirks by Andrew Phillips that it may have been easier to say "his nephew".

Cinderella & Rockafella.

A local father and daughter, who shall remain nameless for legal reasons, (but have sons and brothers named Andrew and Stephen respectively), were walking home from the Cricket Club after the Harrison Allen final with Jane, sorry the daughter, being 'a little the worse for wear'.

They had 'walked' the 20 yards or so to the first bench when they had to have a 'pit stop', ( yes I did mean 'pit stop'). After a short period of time they decided to set off for a second time hoping to make it home.

They had walked about 100 meters when under the street lights, the daughter looked down and realised that she only had one shoe on. Not knowing exactly where she had lost the shoe, the father made a valiant attempt to find it in the pitch black of the race course but to no avail. It was decided that they would continue on their trek and would return to look for the shoe in the morning.

In the morning Huw, sorry the father decided to set off early and look for the lost shoe and amidst some strange looks from walkers around the race course, found it on the bench where they had stopped for their rest the previous night.

Jane had walked about 100 meters before realising that she had lost her shoe. 'Strong ale this Pembrokeshire stuff'.

Ever decreasing circles.

The ground staff spend at lot of time and energy carrying out their duties and always welcome a help in hand, so when Steve Price (aka Pele) the third team captain, offered his services they gratefully accepted and he was given the 'simple' task of marking the boundary line on 'The Old Race Course' field.

Off Pele went with all the required equipment to carry out the task. After a period of time the ground staff went over to inspect his handy work only to find Pele standing their scratching his head.

Upon further inspection they found that the start and finish points of Pele's boundary line were approximately 15 meters apart. The finishing point being 15 meters closer to the pitch than the start.

A matter for the RSPCA.

In 1998 a group of intrepid travellers decided to take a trip to Barbados when England were touring the West Indies.

The group included Hugh & Jean Phillips, Andrew, Diane & Jemma Phillips and Ray & Betty Mathias, among others.

At that time the West Indies cricket authority only had one device that would soak/vacuum up any water that may be laying on the ground, namely a ‘Water Hog’. The authority would transport the ‘Water Hog’ from test venue to test venue in case of rain during the match.

An exciting game was well under way with both teams competing admirably when, as always happens during such a match, the rain came in.

During this ‘rain break’ a conversation started up between Andrew & Hugh about how the West Indies cricket authorities had lost the ‘Water Hog’ since the last test in Antigua, but found it three days later in a crate behind the score shed in Barbados.

Ray, who knew very little about cricket was listening to the conversation with great interest hoping to learn a thing or two and being an animal lover, joined in with the statement "How cruel, the poor thing must be starving by now!"

New player, who can catch?

Going back a few years a certain Malcolm Phillips was persuaded to play cricket by 'Tacky Marchant'. During his first game Mal was told to field in close. He obliged and caught out the batsman who was none other than

Mr. W. E. Carne.

Who is who?

At the recent Harrison Allen final on Sunday 17th August 2003, a 'Tish' supporter approached Andrew Phillips and stated that "he had let him down in the final of the Harrison Allen as he had picked him in a draw as Man of the Match".

Now Andrew being always modest responded by saying that "that was one hell of a choice following my current form".

The 'Tish' supporter then continued that "you played quite well, unlucky Shifty".

He should have been in the diplomatic corp.

During a cricket tour to Cork, Andrew Phillips was having a conversation with the opposition Captain, Leo Durity, who was Asian.

Leo starts giving Andrew a history lesson on civil rights and the great Mahatma Ghandi.

In mid sentence he is stopped with the immortal words from Andrew "Mahatma Ghandi! I knew his brother Mahat ma Coat".

When your up to your neck in it keep your mouth closed.

 On the same tour to Cork Stephen Phillips volunteers to swim across the river Hoe if everyone chips in £5.00 a head. Everyone pays up, a good opportunity to kill Shifty. As he dives in he hits his head on the bottom. Shifty then attempts to swim across the river but the current takes him further & further down stream. In the end he emerges to claim his reward. He tells everyone how easy it was but all the Irish in the vicinity were amazed since as they said "that river is 90% sewage".

Life and soul of the party.

Again on the tour to Cork, Tim Painter who has many talents, one being his ability to play the funeral march on the piano was in Cork cricket club when he arranged four pall bearers and a corpse, Willy Vaughan. At the given signal the piano plays, door bursts open, four bays enter carrying Willy. Unfortunately the pall bearers were not sober, the body moved and was sent crashing to the floor.

Back home in Pembs while returning from a football match they go into a pub which contains a piano. A repeat of the procession was attempted with Tim on the piano when the landlord says "I wouldn't play that in here someone's just died".

Next pub, which was The Bridge in Narberth, same format Piano, funeral march. Tim says to landlord "The last pub I played that in someone had just died".

To which the landlord replied "It's not the thing to play in here either, a member of the staff and the family dog have just died".

A pressing event.

On a football tour Andrew Phillips being concerned as always about his perfect dress sense and appearance decided to iron his clothes.

This for some reason involved holding the iron out of the window. Unfortunately the window was suddenly closed with Andrew's arm still outside. He dropped the iron which landed between two parked cars in the car park.

Next morning the management of HCC arrived, Stuart Williams, Alan Sexton, Ronnie Morse and Chipo, to be met with "Are you boys in charge here?"

"Why?" was their response.

"Because you owe us £20.00 for an iron" was the reply.